Beauty

Check out the above video, if you haven't already watched it. It's crazy how I'll look at the finished product and then wish I looked like that when in reality, no one looks like that. I think honest things like this are really important. I keep seeing things about girls with eating disorders, or body dysmorphic disorders, and I start to wonder how much the media really does play into this. I always here how "unrealistic" all of the Hollywood stuff was, but I think it's finally sinking in how much our view of beauty has been distorted. We're striving to be something that isn't physically possible.

I've never been a big fan of Britney Spears. Not even when I was younger. BUT, she recently release some untouched photos of herself.

I really have to commend her for doing this. Here's the sad thing too, she really has a rocking body, especially for having a couple kids. I HOPE I look that good after I have kids. But society doesn't consider that beautiful anymore because it's not perfect. I think a lot more people in the media spotlight should take it upon themselves as a responsibility to release stuff like this too. Show us that they are human too and imperfections are okay. Unfortunately we all can't look photoshop perfect.

Here's the thing about beauty too. I think the most beautiful people I have met, aren't the most attractive people I've even seen. What makes them truly beautiful are the things on the inside. Their beauty isn't something you see right away, but something that unfolds as you get to know their character. I want to be more like those girls, not the plastic barbies.

DC

I'm in Washington DC now with my brother at the hospital. It's harder than I thought it would be but it's so, so good to see him. Even if he is a grumpy bastard ha ha. I guess the day we got here was the hardest day for him so far. He's getting tired of being in pain, and incapacitated, and attached to tubes, and in the bed all day, ect. He showed me all the work they did. They took a graph from his back (skin, muscles, nerves) and wrapped it around his hand because he's basically missing most of his palm. Anyways, by the time he was done showing me all the staples in his back, and the massive piece of tissue attached to his hand, I almost passed out. I had already seen pictures so you think I would have been ok, but just seeing it all and seeing how he was in pain really effected me.

I think it's also a good way for him to come back from war. It's always a hard adjustment, but I think that since he's pretty much still cut off from society, and he's with his family, it will help him adjust more slowly which is good. Give him his time.

So today will be better. I've got some music for him, I'll probably read him some books I read. It's nice to be a whole family again. When a soldier is deployed you just never know it that will happen again, and it feels wonderful to be reunited again.

Bills

So I've been kind of caught up with the SB 1070 bill (the immigration bill) that was just passed in Arizona by Governor Brewer. I know this is aimed at cracking down on illegal immigrants, but in the process is violating American citizen's rights.

This is what the 4th amendment says (and please don't take my word for it, research this stuff on your own if it interests you):

 Arrest

Of course, when a person is arrested and taken into police custody, they have been seized (e.g., a reasonable person who is handcuffed and placed in the back of a police car would not think they were free to leave). A person subjected to a routine traffic stop on the other hand, has been seized, but is not "arrested" because traffic stops are a relatively brief encounter and are more analogous to a Terry stop than to a formal arrest.^[31] A police officer does not have the authority to arrest someone for refusing to identify himself when he is not suspected of committing a crime.^[32] A search incidental to an arrest that is not permissible under state law does not violate the Fourth Amendment, if the arresting officer has probable cause.

So what would be probable cause for an officer to think someone is an illegal immigrant? Skin color? Accent? That is absolutely racial profiling. Not only that, but if I haven't committed a crime, then a police officer has no right to ask for me for identification, as listed above.

Warrant

Under the Fourth Amendment, law enforcement must receive written permission from a court of law, or otherwise qualified magistrate, to lawfully search and seize evidence while investigating criminal activity. A court grants permission by issuing a writ known as a warrant. A search or seizure is generally unreasonable and unconstitutional, if conducted without a valid warrant,^[36] and the police must obtain a warrant whenever practicable.^[37] Searches and seizures without a warrant are not considered unreasonable if one of the specifically established and well-delineated exceptions to the warrant requirement applies.^[38]

Here are some of the things that bother me about the bill (AGAIN, whether you're for or against this bill, please read it yourself):

ARTICLE 8 SECTION E. 

E. A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER, WITHOUT A WARRANT, MAY ARREST A PERSON IF THE OFFICER HAS PROBABLE CAUSE TO BELIEVE THAT THE PERSON HAS COMMITTED ANY PUBLIC OFFENSE THAT MAKES THE PERSON REMOVABLE FROM THE UNITED STATES.

Is this serious?! They are overstepping their bounds. And if you don't think that they will do this, they already have. Check out this article here about an American born-citizen who was ARRESTED even while he was carrying a state issued ID and gave them his valid SSN.

I can't believe this is happening and people support this. I'm assuming it's because they don't know what the bill entails and will really allow law authorities to get away with.

Women. Are. Bitches.

So where to begin? Hmm... I really wish I had my life back from a few weeks ago ha ha. Back when I had everything together. Yah, that would be nice.

I got another call from the girl my boyfriend had been talking to. She confessed she had lied a lot to me, that they had talked and flirted a little, but that was it. And when he told her it needed to stop, that he needed to fix things with me, she got really jealous and vengeful. So she called me up for the first time 2 weeks ago and told me some lies, mixed with just enough truth that I believed her. I'm kind of stupid in that sense. I always assume that since I don't lie to people, they won't lie to me. But the truth is that people lie all the time, a lot of times for no reason at all.

So I'd been putting him through hell, accusing him of sleeping with her and anything she told me had happened. Then after I'd finally broken things off with him completely, she had felt so guilty she called me and confessed she had lied about it all. Wow.

I don't really understand how you could even do that to someone to even begin with. Want to know why I can't? Because I would never, ever fucking do that to ANYONE. Women can be so crazy and malicious. I suppose men can too, but when it comes to revenge, women take cake.

So I'm going to move out, but we're still dating and we're going to work through this. Starting with him going to talk to my parents face-to-face to explain what happened and ask if they are still ok with him marrying me (which was his idea). Chivalry isn't dead ladies and gentlemen :)



P.S. The Army is getting me a ticket to go see my brother for free. WHOOHOOO!

Relief

I got to talk to my brother today, he is doing pretty well. He lost his pinkie, ring finger, and part of that side of his hand, but the rest is good.

I think the most heart wrenching thing about this was we didn't know if he'd lost all of his fingers, or not. If you know my brother, he is one of the most talented guitarists you'll ever hear. I'm not just saying that because he's my brother, I'm saying that as a musician of 20 years and knowing what I'm talking about. I've seen John Petrucci from Dream Theater live and he's gone nothing on my little bro. So to think that his passion in life could have been taken from him, made me cry more than anything. But it was for nothing because he's ok and got all the important fingers left. He can still flip people off if he wants to as well, which is always good ha ha.

Last night was the night I finally severed anything that was left of my relationship with the Ex. Why does this stuff always get to dragged out? Love is such a powerful emotion. So, while it wasn't pretty, I'm still here for him and I'll take care of him the best I can, from a friends perspective. Uggghhh so much to deal with at one time.

Rain

You never realize how good life is at the time you're living it, until it changes. You're always so focused on the little things that are bothering you to stop, and just truly enjoy the good things in your life. And when it changes, you suddenly realize how truly blessed you were, and know that it can never be that way again.

Life changes. Sometimes, it changes for good, and sometimes for bad. The only thing you can be sure of, is that it will change. What you do with the change is entirely up to you, but it's a sad parting because even if life does get better in some ways, in other ways you can never have it back the way it was.

It can never be the way it was.

I think childhood is like that. At least I hope it is for everyone, although I know a lot of kids don't have happy childhoods. For me though, I was blessed with parents who gave us that. So many times, I just wish I could go back to that happiness, having our family all together and just... living and being together. I was always so focused on the more negative things though when I was a kid, how mom wouldn't let me have candy, or my friend couldn't come over. Really stupid petty things, and I wish I could go back and tell myself to just enjoy life. Just stop, look around at the people who love you, and just appreciate it.

We got a call this morning from the Army. My brother is in Afghanistan and they called to tell us he had been in an accident, and that his right hand had been shot with a .50 cal gun. If you don't know what those are, they and HUGE guns. He will lose a couple fingers, we're not sure what exactly though. I just want him home alive, and that fact that he is coming back alive makes me so grateful. I was just hoping against hope that he would come back uninjured. But the more I learn about war, the more I realize that no one comes back whole. Whether it's physical or mental, it harms some part of them.

The question is, am I going to stop now and appreciate what I do have? Will I be grateful for the time I do now have with him? Or will I dwell on his loss? Please God help me appreciate that my brother is coming back and that I get to have him in my life for awhile longer.

Prom

 It's that time of year again.

That time when girls wear hideously huge dresses, and wonder why they look fat. When they spend so much on fake tans, nails, make, hair, and accessories, and end up looking more like a plastic creation or barbie than a beautiful girl. When guys spend a ridiculously large amount of money to get laid, if they're lucky. If not they just blew a bunch of money hoping to. Next time save it for a prosty, your chances are much better. It's prom season!

I went to prom my junior year. Which is kind of surprising for two reasons... I was homschooled... and I didn't put out. I don't think I'd even kissed a guy at that point. But I got asked by a very nice foreign exchange student, who I couldn't understand half the time. Since my options were limited and I didn't think he'd be asking me to show him my boobs by the end of the night (at least if he did I wouldn't be able to understand it) I decided to go.

Prom is supposed to be this magical evening that's one of the highlights of your high school years. Instead it's a bunch of kids dressed up in really uncomfortable clothes, attempting to dance in a high school gym that's 'supposed' to be reminiscent of Paris. It's still a gym, and no matter how many pictures and christmas lights you put up everywhere, I can still see the bleachers pushed up against the wall.

Everything is so expensive too. The flowers and dinner. My favorite part of the evening was when we stopped by someone's house and played Halo with a bunch of other people. In fact I would have preferred to stay there all evening because my dancing skills are... horrible. Every time I try I just end up looking around and asking "Do I look as retarded as everyone else around me?"

Big waste of time.